Rethinking Empathy - Bridging East and West in Psychotherapy (Part 1)

Part 1: Rethinking Empathy – Bridging East and West in Psychotherapy By Dr. Ivan Zy Lim, Clinical Psychologist, Transcultural Psychotherapist Specialist, PATH Trauma Consultant & Founder, Inner Quest Centre

Let’s begin with a quiet truth: Empathy isn’t universal in the way we often assume. Yes, we all feel pain, joy, and grief. But how we express, respond to, and even understand those feelings is profoundly shaped by our cultural blueprint.

In Western psychology, empathy is often described as "feeling with", an emotional resonance based on shared human experience. It’s central to modern psychotherapy. But when I began working more deeply with clients from Chinese and broader Asian backgrounds, I noticed something that Western models often missed.

Not in my clients. In the framework.

The Western approach, rooted in individualism, often overlooks the deeply relational, contextual, and even spiritual ways that empathy is expressed in Confucian, Daoist, and Buddhist traditions. These traditions don’t just add cultural color to empathy; they redefine its very structure.

This article is a rethinking of empathy across cultures, not to replace one model with another, but to offer a more complete map. It’s a call to therapists, coaches, and seekers to expand our lens, to hold space not just for individual emotion, but for collective wisdom.

What Is Empathy, Really?

In psychology textbooks, empathy is often split into two components:

• Cognitive empathy: understanding what someone else is feeling

• Affective empathy: feeling it with them
  

This is valuable. But it's also limited. In Chinese philosophical systems, empathy is not just a psychological function. It is a moral orientation (Confucianism), a spiritual presence (Daoism), and a path to liberation (Buddhism).

Let’s explore them.

Confucianism: Empathy as Ethical Relationship

Confucian empathy is grounded in 仁 (rén), humaneness or benevolence. It is not about mirroring feelings, but about honoring roles and responsibilities in relationships. Empathy is expressed not by verbal validation, but by appropriate conduct: the parent cares, the child honors, the elder guides, the friend supports.

Empathy here is a cultivated skill, practiced through 礼 (lǐ), or ritual propriety. To be empathetic is to know what is appropriate, respectful, and kind in a given context. It's deeply relational and always action-oriented.

Daoism: Empathy as Spacious Presence

If Confucianism offers structure, Daoism offers flow.

Daoist wisdom teaches us to empty ourselves of ego so that we can truly perceive the other. As Laozi says in the Dao De Jing,

“The sage has no fixed mind; he takes the mind of the people as his own.”

Empathy here is not about trying or effort. It’s about wu wei (无为), effortless action. It arises when we are attuned, still, and present. The Daoist therapist does not mirror or analyze; they receive. They trust that transformation happens in the space between words.

Buddhism: Empathy as Compassionate Insight

In Buddhism, empathy is not just about connecting with suffering—it’s about alleviating it. The twin virtues of 慈 (cí, loving-kindness) and 悲 (bēi, compassion) form the foundation of a practice that transcends ego and clinging.

Where Western empathy might mirror pain, Buddhist empathy observes it with non-attachment and acts with clarity. The practice of Tonglen, or “giving and taking,” invites us to breathe in suffering and breathe out relief. This is empathy as a purification of the heart.

West Meets East: Why the Difference Matters in Practice

Let’s say a client comes in burdened by guilt after disappointing their parents. A Western approach might explore boundaries, emotional freedom, or reframing irrational beliefs.

But an Eastern approach would ask: What role was disrupted? What disharmony was created in the relationship?

• A Confucian perspective might explore how to restore balance and honor filial piety without self-erasure.

• A Daoist lens might help the client soften their striving, release control, and trust the unfolding of the family dynamic.

• A Buddhist frame might guide the client to see how attachment to perfection or approval is a source of suffering, and how compassion (for self and others) can free them.

All three move us beyond “feeling with” into wisely responding—not from impulse, but from role, rhythm, and realization.

Exercises for Culturally Informed Empathy

If you are a practitioner or educator, consider integrating these exercises to explore empathy through Confucian, Daoist, and Buddhist frames:

1. Ritual Listening (Confucian)

   Invite participants to practice a brief bow before and after listening to a peer share. Emphasize posture, timing, and non-interruption. Reflect afterward: how did honoring the form change the feeling?

2. Tea Meditation (Daoist)

   Guide participants through a silent tea ritual, focusing only on sensation, presence, and breath. What happens when we stop trying to “understand” and instead attune?

3. Tonglen Practice (Buddhist)

   Lead a guided breathing practice where one breathes in another's pain and breathes out relief. This cultivates compassion without merging or burning out.

4. Five Relationship Reflection (Confucian)

   Ask participants to draw out the five core relationships (parent-child, elder-younger, etc.). Where does empathy feel strong? Where is there tension? What duty or gesture could bring restoration?

5. Flow State Journaling (Daoist)

   Encourage writing about a time when they felt deeply connected without effort. What allowed that? What blocked it? Explore the idea of empathy as flow, not force.

6. Suffering Map (Buddhist)

   Have participants trace a recent moment of distress and identify the root cause of suffering: attachment, aversion, or delusion. How might compassion loosen that grip?

Why This Matters for a Global Age

In a multicultural, interconnected world, empathy cannot remain a monocultural skill.

When we default to Western expressions, “I hear you,” “That must be hard”, we may inadvertently miss, flatten, or override cultural truths. In some contexts, silence is empathy. In others, duty is. In others still, presence is enough.

• Confucianism reminds us that empathy lives in roles and rituals.

• Daoism reminds us that empathy arises in stillness and surrender.

• Buddhism reminds us that empathy is fulfilled in wise action that relieves suffering.

  
  

To practice empathy in a global age is not to abandon the self, but to widen it.

About the AuthorDr. Ivan Zy Lim is a Clinical Psychologist, trauma consultant, and founder of Inner Quest Centre. A pioneer in integrating Chinese philosophy into psychotherapy, his PATH framework blends Confucian, Daoist, and Buddhist wisdom with Western psychological tools to help clients heal in culturally resonant ways. He trains therapists, safety ambassadors, and care teams globally in trauma-informed, cross-cultural care.